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Shipwreck II


I was challenged by a friend that the first “Shipwreck” was too predictable – that she knew exactly what metaphors I was gonna use.  I decided to rewrite it, line by line, deepening the metaphors and the imagery.  So, this is the result. Which is better?  I will probably do it again, as I am sure there is more I can plumb out of this misery in my heart…

Shipwreck II

Smiling dams hardly block Tears’ deluge –

Struggling barrier strains, overpowering flood surges

Angrily against the pretence of happiness.

Soul’s pain intense

As joined hearts split; ragged rhythm

Doubles, jagged sound out of sync

As each heart struggles to beat singly

Again.

To breathe….

NO!!!!!

Drowning heart clawing for desperation’s surface –

Screaming silently, robbed of oxygenated reason –

Breaks free.  Clinging to hope for dear life,

Seeking sandy sanity’s stable shore

Over rolling, rumbling rip tides,

Threatening to suck weakening soul

Into the depths.

2011.07.07

About PassionPoet

Wordsmith. Spoken word artist. I inhale words and exhale poetry.....

Discussion

2 thoughts on “Shipwreck II

  1. Very pleasant to read. I’d appreciate it if u provided feedback for my posts =).

    Like

    Posted by Alia S | August 6, 2011, 11:53 PM

Communicate with my Muse....

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