I was challenged by a friend that the first “Shipwreck” was too predictable – that she knew exactly what metaphors I was gonna use. I decided to rewrite it, line by line, deepening the metaphors and the imagery. So, this is the result. Which is better? I will probably do it again, as I am sure there is more I can plumb out of this misery in my heart…
Smiling dams hardly block Tears’ deluge –
Struggling barrier strains, overpowering flood surges
Angrily against the pretence of happiness.
Soul’s pain intense
As joined hearts split; ragged rhythm
Doubles, jagged sound out of sync
As each heart struggles to beat singly
Drowning heart clawing for desperation’s surface –
Screaming silently, robbed of oxygenated reason –
Breaks free. Clinging to hope for dear life,
Seeking sandy sanity’s stable shore
Over rolling, rumbling rip tides,
Threatening to suck weakening soul
Into the depths.