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Poetry

Haiku


I usually have a neat title for my poems … but this is more a cry of my heart right now rather than a well thought out piece that has been inspired through some other media.  So this is just titled…

 

Haiku

Rain veils secret tears

Jagged flash slices night sky

Heart bloody – screaming.

About PassionPoet

Wordsmith. Spoken word artist. I inhale words and exhale poetry.....

Discussion

14 thoughts on “Haiku

  1. sorry to hear you are sad 😦

    Like

    Posted by Loly | November 29, 2011, 7:56 PM
  2. looks like a nightmare..hope all is well ~

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    Posted by Heaven | November 30, 2011, 1:11 AM
  3. the sliced night sky made the pain palpable…

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    Posted by claudia | December 2, 2011, 5:31 PM
  4. well it certainly carries the intensity of the emotion…nicely done..

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    Posted by brian miller | December 2, 2011, 6:27 PM
  5. Heart bloody~screaming…it is astounding how much three simple words can say! well done.

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    Posted by aka_andrea | December 3, 2011, 2:06 AM
  6. I felt that before. There’s always sunshine after the rain.

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    Posted by Laurie Kolp | December 3, 2011, 4:04 PM
  7. The storm metaphor works well for inner tempests and here in the 5/7/5 so succinct. The last line may bridge it from haiku to senryu or may take it into the modern Japanese 5/7/5 which they simply refer to as free verse (which differs somewhat from our free verse). It isn’t so far from the juxtaposed necessity of Haiku though. Nature certainly is symbolic in this piece. It’s only that you “implied” human bloodiness rather than using an animal..say a faun, or hare torn and bleeding which would have been a true haiku. Normally I wouldn’t go through all of this “true to form” explication; however the 5/7/5 is so close to me these days and this one is brilliant in its execution. I am only mentally wrangling it’s specificity. Whatever it may be called, it is effective verse and certainly conveys the message metaphorically. Thank you.

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    Posted by Gay Reiser Cannon | December 3, 2011, 6:22 PM
    • Thanks so much Gay… I’m only now starting to experiment with new forms. I am reading your comment with great interest and trying to get it right. The title will change, as I didn’t know what to title it when I was writing it. I thought that the ‘nature’ word ‘Rain’ in the first line was enough to make it a ‘true’ haiku (It’s only that you “implied” human bloodiness rather than using an animal..say a faun, or hare torn and bleeding which would have been a true haiku)….. I strive for excellence in my writing and am eager to learn, so I will continue to pour over your comment and haiku specific websites 🙂

      “Normally I wouldn’t go through all of this “true to form” explication; however the 5/7/5 is so close to me these days and this one is brilliant in its execution.”

      Well THANK YOU SO MUCH…. the fact that I even have you wrangling so much makes me feel great…

      Like

      Posted by bajanpoet | December 5, 2011, 11:20 AM

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