Image via Wikipedia
I was working on this sonnet since last year, after a friend of mine was – in my opinion – unfairly boosted out of her job. She was a great help to my friends and I as it related to learning about poetry and we felt as though that there were certain forces that were unnecessarily working against her. I also wanted to work on my poetry forms and decided to write a sonnet, as I had not done so in a long time. This is what I came up with:
Sonnet: Triumph
Do not go gentle into that dark night
Where sun is absent, where moonlight hides face.
Charge forth and challenge ignorance with light
And dispel evil with beauty and grace.
We know there’s nothing new under the sun
And that all it takes for evil to win
Is for good to turn tail without having begun
To stand up for right, to make evil spin!
But be no coward, stand not aside afraid
Draw forth your sword, charge forward into war
Slash and slice for justice; confront, not evade!
Forward into battle, scorn not your scars –
Charge forth! Charge forth! Let armour shine bright
as warriors fight for the Good and Right!
Passion's Pleasure 
You gotta keep hustling. Good things happen to people who hustle.
A wonderful tribute to the power of determination here. A wonderful read.
LikeLike
Posted by skyraftwanderer | February 21, 2012, 8:48 PMThanks soooooo much! “Keep hustlin’!” I like that!
LikeLike
Posted by bajanpoet | February 22, 2012, 12:16 AMThis is definitely my favourite poem you have written, it is exceptional. ‘Charge forth! Charge forth! Let armour shine bright’ is a magnificent line!
http://twoinformalfeet.blogspot.com/2012/02/salvatore-e-elena.html
LikeLike
Posted by Aaron Kent | February 21, 2012, 9:45 PMLOL Thanks Aaron! And to think I didn’t know if I was going to post anything today ….
LikeLike
Posted by bajanpoet | February 22, 2012, 12:16 AMI absolutely love everything about this poem except the first line, which has only one word different that Dylan Thomas’s: Do not go gentle into that good night. This detracts from the magnificence of the poem. Try and come up with a different first line and it will truly shine on its own merit.
LikeLike
Posted by Elizabeth Young | February 21, 2012, 10:22 PMWell truth be told the first line was the inspiration for the whole poem… the first line WAS ‘taken’ from the Dylan Thomas line – I sorta was inspired and wanted to see where it would take me …. I might try to change it, but I don’t know if I could get the same spark that he gave me….
LikeLike
Posted by bajanpoet | February 22, 2012, 12:15 AMok i can not comment on form but i agree with your summation of what true warriors stand for…it is empowering as well….nice
LikeLike
Posted by brian miller | February 21, 2012, 11:20 PMThanks Brian 😀 I wanted that heroic warrior to stand out 🙂 Glad you saw that 🙂
LikeLike
Posted by bajanpoet | February 22, 2012, 12:13 AMI can definitely understand the pull of that first line, and your poem is so different..so, I don’t think this is wrong.
I ‘lifted’ a line from another poet years ago…he wasn’t nice about it, but it was all ego between us, too….
“Quite birds! I haven’t turned you into metaphors yet.”…..I never read this poem of his, but fell in LOVE with that line. and went on to make my own poem surrounding that beginning line.
As long as the content of the poem is not lifted, I think a word or a phrase here isn’t stealing…but many would disagree with me.
This poet was a famous, international poet….and I was nothing. LOL~ Actually people who DID read his poem said mine was better. LOL~!
But regardless. your poem is good, and the rhythm is fine and forward looking and the message strong.
What is not to like?? And sonnet form is very, very difficult.
Lady Nyo
LikeLike
Posted by ladynyo | February 22, 2012, 1:02 AMThanks so much Lady …. I didn’t think it was so bad, and truth be told I’ve never read the entire poem by him either … the line was quoted in a poetry workshop I was in recently and it drew me.
Thanks so much! This is only my second sonnet ever lol Yeah it was challenging to keep the rhythm – I think I got most of the lines to 10 syllables, too LOL I’m so glad you liked it!
LikeLike
Posted by bajanpoet | February 22, 2012, 1:15 AMCharge forth and challenge ignorance with light
And dispel evil with beauty and grace.
So so we are called to the heroic everyday I think–Lovely piece!
LikeLike
Posted by Audrey Howitt | February 22, 2012, 1:12 AMThanks Audrey! You know, it’s only just now that I realized that had I finished this poem before I could have entered it into the Pub’s Heroics prompt… damn! LOL
LikeLike
Posted by bajanpoet | February 22, 2012, 1:16 AMHi Robert, to say the poem is not bad is a stretch. I feel the other comments are blowing smoke up your ass and I feel I owe you only honesty but keep writing and yes, the sonnet form can be challenging.
LikeLike
Posted by Mark Jason Welch | February 22, 2012, 1:55 AMWell thanks Mark! Will keep at it 🙂
LikeLike
Posted by bajanpoet | February 22, 2012, 7:09 AMVery nice call to action and fighting for what is good and just ~
Nice form too ~
LikeLike
Posted by Heaven | February 22, 2012, 2:54 AMThanks Heaven 🙂
LikeLike
Posted by bajanpoet | February 22, 2012, 7:11 AMSonnets can be so challenging, but you’re a true warrior and you shine bright!
LikeLike
Posted by Laurie Kolp | February 22, 2012, 3:00 AMThanks Laurie!
LikeLike
Posted by bajanpoet | February 22, 2012, 7:10 AMnice stand for righteousness
LikeLike
Posted by wolfsrosebud | February 22, 2012, 1:57 PMThanks! Glad you liked it!
LikeLike
Posted by bajanpoet | February 22, 2012, 3:00 PMThis is beautiful and encouraging! I love it! My favorite lines are:
“Charge forth and challenge ignorance with light
And dispel evil with beauty and grace.”
I’ll bet this was a great encouragement to your friend who inspired it. Peace, Linda
LikeLike
Posted by Linda Kruschke | February 22, 2012, 8:56 PMI haven’t sent it to her yet…. I hope she likes it 🙂
LikeLike
Posted by bajanpoet | February 23, 2012, 11:46 AMI sent it to her via Twitter and this was her response, “@bajanpoet oh wow! I am humbled, thank you!” So yeah, she did like it 😀
LikeLike
Posted by bajanpoet | February 23, 2012, 2:01 PMVery inspirational Bajan!
LikeLike
Posted by dark angel | February 22, 2012, 11:13 PMThanks Angel *hugs*
LikeLike
Posted by bajanpoet | February 23, 2012, 11:46 AMWow, I read this aloud and gave MYSELF goosebumps LOL
LikeLike
Posted by bajanpoet | February 23, 2012, 1:57 PMSome strong imagery and phrasing here. Iambic pentameter is awry but I assume you are taking liberties with the meter on purpose?
LikeLike
Posted by Luke Prater | February 23, 2012, 6:46 PMwell ummmm …. not really … *grin* I tried my best but it’s only the second sonnet I’ve ever done. LOL Still working on it….
Thanks for the compliments, tho. I want to get better, so I’ll keep reading.
LikeLike
Posted by bajanpoet | February 23, 2012, 6:50 PMfive iambs per line… don’t count syllables.. it’s a blind alley. The fact that there are ten syllables per line is irrrelevant pretty much. each line should metrically be like this, and you juiggle your phrasing to fit this matrix –
di-DUM di-DUM di-DUM di-DUM di-DUM
Like a horse galloping in the distance. Or a heartbeat.
shall I | com PARE | thee TO | a SUM | mer’s DAY?
LikeLike
Posted by Luke Prater | February 24, 2012, 3:10 PMaaaaaaah….. I see … thanks, Luke! Will work on it 😀
LikeLike
Posted by bajanpoet | February 24, 2012, 3:19 PMI see you joined us over at the poetry circle – you’ll get all the help with sonnet meter you need there…
LikeLike
Posted by Luke Prater | February 26, 2012, 4:06 PMThanks Luke, for real 🙂
LikeLike
Posted by bajanpoet | February 27, 2012, 2:36 AMYour friend should be honored, I hope that you have shared your sonnet with her.
Cheers,
Mark Butkus
LikeLike
Posted by Voyages Vistas Vino | February 23, 2012, 7:14 PMThanks Mark 😀 Yeah she loved it!
LikeLike
Posted by bajanpoet | February 23, 2012, 7:55 PMHow wonderful it must be to receive such an uplifting poem from a friend, when one has been so disheartened by life.
LikeLike
Posted by Kerry O'Connor | February 24, 2012, 2:08 PMThanks so much, Kerry! Yeah she really appreciated it!
LikeLike
Posted by bajanpoet | February 24, 2012, 2:22 PMWonderful!
LikeLike
Posted by WinterWrites | February 24, 2012, 5:22 PMThanks!
LikeLike
Posted by bajanpoet | February 24, 2012, 6:26 PMI love sonnets…and this one speaks volumes. Great advice to a friend or anyone else and a great poem. Great job.
LikeLike
Posted by Corey Rowley | February 24, 2012, 7:17 PMThanks Corey….That’s a great compliment 🙂
LikeLike
Posted by bajanpoet | February 24, 2012, 7:20 PMI enjoyed the whole poem, but I love this line: “Charge forth and challenge ignorance with light”!
K
LikeLike
Posted by Kay L. Davies | February 24, 2012, 11:20 PMThanks so much, Kay 🙂
LikeLike
Posted by bajanpoet | February 28, 2012, 5:35 PMThose words must have been of great help to your friend.
LikeLike
Posted by Rinkly Rimes | February 25, 2012, 1:39 AMThey were 🙂 She really enjoyed them! Thanks so much!
LikeLike
Posted by bajanpoet | February 27, 2012, 2:37 AMGreat right. I’m sure your friend would be honored.
LikeLike
Posted by Teresa | February 25, 2012, 3:09 AMThanks, Teresa… she was! 😀
LikeLike
Posted by bajanpoet | February 26, 2012, 1:05 AMFabulous!
Really like this 🙂 The battle and fine line is a tender balance, you portray that with conviction and so well 🙂
Poppy
LikeLike
Posted by PoppySilver | February 25, 2012, 3:36 PMI’m so glad you like it, Poppy 🙂
LikeLike
Posted by bajanpoet | February 26, 2012, 1:04 AMI love the sense of hope and encouragement in this poem, so uplifting!
LikeLike
Posted by Mary Mansfield | February 25, 2012, 4:56 PMThanks so much, Mary! ❤
LikeLike
Posted by bajanpoet | February 26, 2012, 1:04 AMWell Done, I enjoyed it! I love your view~
LikeLike
Posted by Ella | February 28, 2012, 12:28 AMThanks Ella 😀
LikeLike
Posted by bajanpoet | February 28, 2012, 11:57 AM