I have not posted a new poem in this space for a couple weeks. I have been re-evaluating my strategy concerning posting poetry online. I know that people have suggested to me that I need to not post every new poem online, because it hampers the body of work that I have to offer for competitions. A lot of competitions have rules where the work submitted must not be previously published or offered for public consumption – which includes my own personal blog. I have been struggling with this because I love posting my pieces here and getting feedback from my loyal readership.
As I continue to decide what to do – whether to continue posting most of my work here or pull back some – I have decided to release another new poem, mainly because I miss you all so much! So, sit back, relax, and let’s get vulnerable together…
You make me want to get vulnerable.
Make me want to peel off the layers of my soul and
Expose myself wholly to you –
No, I don’t mean get naked ….
I mean strip down to my insecurities
Peel away the bravado
And spread my fears for your inspection.
I mean have you finger my anxieties,
Cavity search the cares that hold me down
And test my tears for banned substances.
You make me want to get vulnerable,
To not hide anymore behind the pretense
Of having it all together.
It would be better to just come clean,
Admit to using performance enhancing lies
That mimic the stamina of real courage
But are nothing more than the chemical
Cocktail of cowardice mixed with
A generous amount of wanting to look
Good in front of others –
But I want to go to rehab…
Strip away the fabricated exterior I’m addicted to
Quit lying to myself and to you cold turkey
Even with the certainty of the convulsions caused by
Symptoms of withdrawal from my comfort zone.
But I want to get clean for you –
Start this life anew – us two on equal footing
I want to stand naked and unashamed
The real me
Worthy of the real you.
You inspire me to reach higher
Be a better me – authentically
So I need to do this
Piss my problems into a cup for testing
No longer resisting genuine scrutiny
Wholly naked, truly bare down to the soul.
This is who I am.